It's so easy to live your life totally in line with other people's expectations to the point where you lose touch with who you really are. If you're doing the job you're doing because it makes your parents proud; if you're running from here to there to make sure your children get to sport, music, and sleep overs; if you're careful about your weight, wardrobe and general appearance because you want the world to see you in a particular way; or if the only friends, interests and activities you have are your spouse's then you've probably lost sight of yourself.

Is there something in your life that you do just for you and no-one else? Have you found anything that truly excites you and that, if you had your way, you would do every day? Or do you think that life is generally a chore and the only break you get is either sleeping or vegetating in front of the television?

If your answer is sleeping or vegetating, then you need to get to work on yourself immediately! It may surprise you to know that all of us have the same needs:

1. A need to do something that is special to us and helps to define who we are
2. A need to pursue something we really enjoy doing (or we¡¦re pretty sure we will enjoy doing)
3. A need to be appreciated for what we uniquely bring to the world.

When he was 9 years old my son Ryan asked me "Mum, is it true that if you find something you really love doing you'll never have to work a day in your life?¨

Out of the mouths of babes! 10 years later I still don't know where that came from, but it's absolutely true. Work is not hard if you are passionate about whatever it is you are working at. So if your whole life seems like hard work, you need to find some space for something that is not so hard. (And I don't mean sleeping or vegetating!)

How do you do this? To start with you need to find something that excites you. Something you enjoy doing and that is absolutely for you and you alone. Yes, it's time to be a little selfish and it may take you some time to deal with the guilt but, believe me, everyone will be better off as a result. Your husband or wife, your parents, your children, your friends - and particularly you!

It may be something artistic or creative, a hobby, a sport or literary pursuit. It could be some kind of involvement in your community or church. Perhaps there's something you've always wanted to learn - a language, a craft, a musical instrument.

If you don't know where to start, try thinking about these three stages of your life and see whether something springs to mind or to heart! (By the way, we're going to enlarge on these over the next couple of months so don't be too disheartened if you're having trouble working it out on your own.)

1. I recently read that by the time a child is 7 or 8 years old you can pick up strong clues as to what their gifts and talents are by observing what they like to do. If you can remember that far back (and I've got to admit I struggle a bit), what did you like to do?
2. Imagine you are 16 years old again (even I can remember back that far). There are no obstacles to you becoming whatever you want to be. What is your dream?
3. Fast forward to your 100th birthday. Your batteries are running low and you're looking back and contemplating your life. What is it that you are really glad you did? Or what is it that you regret not doing?

Is this helping?

Now, most importantly, what you need to remember is that you do not have to be good at this thing! I have lived all my life trying to do everything perfectly and I ended up either not doing things, giving up on things before they were finished or killing myself trying to second guess everybody so they would all be satisfied (and I would end up in a heap). Being good at something is absolutely not required for this exercise.

The other thing that is absolutely essential is: this thing you do should have nothing to do with wealth, fame or power. These are things that relate to the world's expectations and everyone else's assessment of who you are and how worthwhile you are. We're starting from a baseline here of you being 100% worthwhile, just a little lost.

A journey starts with a single step. Find something you'd like to do. Learn, see or accomplish and, even in a small way, move toward it. Buy a book, enroll in a class, set 15 minutes a day aside to focus on it, join a club or find a friend who has a similar interest.

Do it for you - to discover who you are. It will help to reveal how far your life can take you and help to transform you into the person you were always designed to be.

Join me next month as we continue the journey!

"We look at some people as if they were special, gifted, divine. Nobody is special and gifted and divine. No more than you are, no more than I am. The only difference, the very only one, is that they have begun to understand what they really are and have begun to practice it." (Author Richard Bach)

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for." (Paul, an Apostle)


(c) Wendy Rush 2007