My daughter was married a few days ago. It was a fantastic day, filled with love, laughter and just a few tears. The event was casual, fun and laced with a few quirky touches that expressed the bride and groom’s personalities and interests.

A few weeks before the wedding Amanda tried on her dress. It was not the usual white, tulle enhanced bridal affair, but a slim fitting, black and white corset hugging, off the shoulder Victorian inspired outfit. No veil, but a cute little “fascinator” perched over one eye. The white heels were out, silver thongs were in. She asked me if she thought she was doing the right thing by wearing it, or whether she should have gone for something more traditional.

I thought she looked gorgeous (I probably would have thought that even if she had worn a Hessian sack.) But at that moment, when she asked that question, I saw the potential for other people’s expectations to dismantle something that was far more important than what she was wearing. What her outfit expressed was who she is. I knew what it was like to anticipate other people’s responses (rightly or wrongly) and, on that basis, shape what I wore, how I behaved and what choices I made in life.

I told her I fully supported her decision to be who she is and to wear something that suited not only her figure but her personality. I think I said something like “good on you girl”, with slight regret that I didn’t have the courage to do the same when I was married at the same age.

I think we both quietly expected a few elderly relatives to gasp or perhaps mumble under their breath – but this didn’t happen. Everyone, without exception, took one look at her and understood that what they saw on the outside reflected accurately what was on the inside. And everyone loved her for it.

We are faced every day with opportunities to show our true colours, but so often we construct ourselves around what we believe to be other people’s idea of who we should be. Do you wear the clothes you wear because you like them, or because you feel you need to convey a particular message to other people? Are you involved in certain social or community groups because you truly like being involved, or because you feel you need to please other people? Are you working long hours, or doing the job you do because you feel your boss, your colleagues or your family expects it of you even though you feel like a square peg in a round hole? And do you express ideas that are not your own, but are modified to mirror the opinions of those around you?

We are all created differently, we are not shaped to fit into the same square box or round hole for a reason. We should never be afraid to be ourselves, to express our own personality and reveal our true character. Perhaps others may think of us as eccentric or strange, but so what?

American Poet E. E. Cummings warns that being true to ourselves can often be very difficult. “To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

When you do have the courage to reveal your true colours, other people may be surprised at what hovers under the surface – but there’s a good chance they will like what they see. Being who we are, expressing ourselves in a genuine way, will help others warm to us. Even those who may look different, dress differently and have completely different tastes and beliefs will find it easier to connect with a genuine heart than a mask of pretence.
Co-founder and CEO of Apple Computer Steve Jobs once wisely said, “Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Amanda was determined to be herself on her wedding day and I am proud that she didn’t try and re-create herself to conform with other people’s expectations. I hope and pray that she approaches life in the same manner.

So whoever you are – whether you choose life’s equivalent of the white wedding veil or the cute fascinator – don’t be afraid to show off the real you. Give your own inner voice the chance to sing loudly above the noise of other people’s opinions. In the end, those who are privileged to see your true colours will admire you for having the courage to put them on display.

© W Rush 2008