English clergyman and poet John Donne writes “No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main”. If we really are committed to finding and pursuing our passion and purpose, we need to realise that we can’t do this in isolation from the world and that we are part of a bigger picture.

We also need to understand that we are, in fact, made to be connected with one another. God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." While he was referring to the relationship between a man and a woman, implicit in that statement is that we need relationships with other people in order for us to be complete.

Ironically as the world’s population continues to grow and urban settlement increases in density, we seem to be finding new ways of isolating ourselves from the outside world. We may live in homes that are being built closer and closer together and stand toe to toe with 60 or so other people on the bus to and from work every day but our sense of community appears to be withering due to a lack of attention.

How is it possible that we can go to a major shopping mall crowded with thousands of people, shop in a variety of stores and then leave without actually connecting with anyone? I have seen this happen so many times. Today I saw a woman go into a store, present the article she wanted to purchase, hand over her money, take the article and her change and leave – all without uttering a word or even making eye contact with the person who served her across the counter. It was as if the other person was some kind of non-entity, but, even more worrying, this woman appeared to have constructed a kind of “cone of silence” around herself.

I must confess that I noticed myself doing this many years ago and felt rather ashamed. It was as if I was placing no value on the person who was serving me, but of more concern to me was the realization that this behaviour contributes to the breaking down of a sense of community.

Right then and there I made a decision to at least say “please” and “thank you” and to look the person in the eye and smile. It’s amazing that since then I have found so many other things to say.

This is in stark contrast to when, as a teenager, I was constantly embarrassed by my dear mother, who felt compelled to speak to everyone that passed by. It was as if she needed to know that she was connected in some way to the community in which she lived. Recently she was recovering from an injury which made it difficult for her to walk, so I took her shopping. At every store she struck up a conversation with the shop assistant – the butcher, the baker, the check out operator. That feeling of embarrassment and a little bit of impatience began to creep in, until I stepped back and watched what was going on. Mum was a regular visitor to the shopping mall and all the shop assistants seemed to know her. She updated them on the problem she was having with her leg, the reason why her daughter was helping her out today and the reasons why she was buying what she was buying. And every person she spoke to willingly participated in the exchange, expressing sympathy at the right juncture, answering her questions and wishing her well as she went on her way.

I learned that day that, more often than not, people respond positively to someone who takes the time to connect with them. What you say doesn’t seem to be that important. In a busy shopping mall crowded with people who are hurrying to get back home and away from the pressing crowds, there is a sense of isolation and loneliness that doesn’t seem to exist anywhere else. When one person takes the trouble to stop and talk to you it makes a difference to your day.

It says they value what you do, they respect you as a person and, ultimately, you are both doing this thing called life together.

Join me next month for the second and final instalment!


© Wendy Rush 2008